"Are You In....... Loyal?"
The other night I watched one of my sort of favorite movies. I thought the concept was great, and the fact that it’s a comedy lightens the issue. The movie is “I think I Love My Wife.” It stars Chris Rock and Kerry Washington amongst a few others. In a nutshell the movie chronicles Chris Rock’s character’s marriage which we meet in its current downturn. Kerry Washington plays the pivotal and proverbial tempting home wrecker. This of course intrigues Chris Rock’s character to a degree and the movie goes forth.
Now to give some back story to the significance as to why this movie is sort of poignant to me, it’s because I related to it when it first released. Truth be told when the movie came out in 2007 I was seeing someone and our own relationship was at a blah stage; I think we’d both agree. And of course at this time there wasn’t any sex… just like in the movie. After going out to the movies and watching it together she asks “so what did you think?” Of course I relished in my opportunity to verbally “let her have it” and calmly exclaimed (you like that one?) “I think I can relate,” and we continued to walk. It’s funny to me now because that has me written all over it. What I want to highlight is that through the downside of what we were going through, I stayed…but why?
Random things are poignant to me. You’ll find that out about me if you have read or are beginning to read my work. And this movie proves to be no different. I’ve seen this movie at least 4 times straight through, but this last time was different. There’s a scene in which Kerry and Chris are walking and having casual conversation. Kerry accuses Chris pretty much of not really loving his wife but just being complacent. She poses this one statement to him- “You’re not in love, you’re in loyal.” It hit me like a ton of bricks… it was deep to me. How many of you all are still unhappy in relationships out of just feeling that it’s obligatory that you stay?
Well I obviously don’t know how many of you feel this way, but I do know that if you do feel this way it’s dangerous. That statement that was said to Chris took him off guard and he immediately became defensive. That’s what I think a normal reaction would be when something seems to hit home. Don’t ever mistake the absence of your emotions. If something isn’t feeling right it’s something worth discussing .
If you cannot affirm your happiness something isn’t right. Whomever you’re seeing should have a sense of pride associated with it. If you ever have to think you’re stupid or crazy for investing your emotions we’d call that a “red flag” on my job. Do not mistake me for what I am saying though. We can’t always be happy and chipper, but at the end of the day if you’re not viscerally proud of whom you are with then you have to beg the question of why you’re there to begin with. Furthermore why do you feel you are loyal to the situation with the absence of what brought you together to begin with? This can be solved with discussion and that discussion can go either way.
In my own experience I think I stayed because I thought the situation, or the mood would just blow over. I had no idea how my partner felt though… that was an error I made at 18. I wasn’t vocal when it really counted and neither was she. So essentially it became a situation of the blind leading the blind. That situation is good for no one. So speak up, be cognizant (I love that word) of each other’s emotions to try and prevent something like this from happening. Truth be told you should never be in just “loyal.”.
I write this today just to give some food for thought, not sure if this counts as a real article…I just want to know how you feel about it. So…..how do you feel? I want your views.
These are my words, and I make no apologies..
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